I never thought that any of my thoughts could ever do anything much but sit around in a waiting room, looking at magazines that had the address torn off. These were magazines about nothing at all. Men's health. Women's health. Tennis. I don't know. I sat in the waiting room of my mind, and I looked at the glossy pictures. I was hoping at least one of them would be beautiful. This was my mind until I let my mind get angry at itself. Because one night I got very angry at myself. I started to shout. I was alone, but I knew my neighbors could hear me because I could hear my neighbors when they shouted at each other. I was shouting. I was going to teach myself a lesson. There were other parts of me that wanted to fight as well. We were all putting down our eyeglasses. I was going to destroy the furniture of my waiting room tonight. I was going to make the receptionist slide that glass window shut. I was going to make things dangerous for even the oldest woman who was sitting there waiting so quietly. I didn't care about her that night. I was angry. I was going to wrestle myself. I was going to wrestle any other arm or leg that got in the way. I didn't care. My mind was finally at a place where I had had enough. It was time to disrupt things. I was going to break the needle. I was going to set the 33 record to 45. I was going to make trouble. My grandparents would have looked away. I would have looked away. I wanted to make marks on the walls. I wanted to tear the sheets from my bed. I wanted to stand on the top buckle and fly into the battle royale with myself. I was going to wrestle every last one of them, and they had no chance tonight. Nothing was choreographed except that my victory was guaranteed. It was my turn to take the title belt. I wasn't going to miss this opportunity to slam myself into the mat. And that's what I did. I took out every last one of my own thoughts and my own ambitions and my own reservations, and I destroyed myself. I was cursing. I was shouting at the top of my lungs. My neighbors were banging on the walls. Fuck my neighbors. There were parts of me that were in shock, and those were the parts that were the easiest to overwhelm. I put them in a sleep hold. I made them tap out. And then there were parts of me that had been angry for so long. Those were the parts that had weapons hidden in their shoes. But I didn't care. I didn't care if I bled. I didn't care if I was wounded. I was going to say what needed to be said. I told myself that it was time to step out of the waiting room and to step into traffic. Because you could cross anywhere you wanted. It didn't matter if the light was red or green. All you had to do was look for the open space and then you could take off. You could be wherever you wanted to be. You didn't have to care if the address on the magazine was legible or not. Let them come to your home. They will hear the noise. They will be scared. And they will knock on your neighbor's door because even though your neighbor is noisy they just don’t sound as violent as you.